There are a whole host of reasons why some people are single. Sometimes, it’s by choice, and other times, not so much. Just know that we’ve all been there, and your Prince Charming could be right in front of you…
You’re looking stuck on ‘The One’
Relationships are about choices. Don’t worry about thinking that there is somebody more perfect or absolutely perfect for you out there. Find someone who you love and you respect and could see a future with, and choose them. There’s power in choice.
As a completely relevant aside, ‘The One’ doesn’t exist. In reality, there are lots of people out there who you are compatible with. Nobody is perfect – maybe he has a tendency to gain weight, while you love the gym, or maybe he is really into his football and you completely hate it. Maybe you like a drink but he’s a staunch tee-totaller. When it comes down to it, do these things really matter? Are they anywhere near as important as loyalty, or honesty? Probably not.
You pick the wrong type of guy
My friend, Natasha, has had tens of boyfriends who all pretty much look the same, are sourced from the same area of London, have the same music tastes and world attitudes, are mostly unemployed, and are basically carbon copies of each other. She then asks why her relationships never work out…
Because your boyfriends are all the same, Tash! Are you guilty of this? Is your love life simply on repeat? It’s time to break the habit. Maybe even deliberately date guys you wouldn’t have gone for. They might not work out, but they might surprise you. I dated a guy once who definitely wasn’t my ‘type’, but he made me laugh so hard on our dates that while I didn’t have romantic interest, I value our friendship to this day while he is happily married.
You don’t actively ‘look’
I’m not kidding when I say this, your future partner might be right in front of you! Mine was for a whole year! It’s amazing how someone can transform before your eyes when taken out of a specific environment. Suddenly, he was the only guy I had eyes for, when previously we hadn’t really noticed each other. Keep those eyes open. Everyone you meet is a potential. Only immediately cross them off the list if they are already taken.
Looking at interactions this way makes it all the more exciting. This doesn’t mean flirt with everyone you meet, it means to watch and work out whether you like what you see. You never know when it’s going to happen.
You push people away
Sometimes it’s difficult to give up control to somebody else. Maybe you’ve been hurt before, or someone close to you has, and you don’t want to ever feel that way. It’s totally understandable. But you have to remember that there are some people out there who will go to the ends of the earth not to hurt you. Being single can be enjoyable and fulfilling, but it can’t offer you certain things that relationships can. Don’t live in fear, because you might be missing out on something great!
It’s important to remember that, in the end, you’ll always be okay. Yes, breakups suck, but you’re going to wake up and look the same tomorrow. You’re going to have the same fantastic pleasures around you, be that nature, music, art…you name it, whatever you enjoy.
You enjoy single life
I have friends who can’t imagine anything other than being single, for all sorts of reasons. Some of them like the freedom to interact with people however they want, be it sex, or just dancing as they please on a night out. I’m personally a big advocate of relationship sex as, in my experience, it’s a lot more enjoyable, but people I know seem to genuinely enjoy themselves with ‘arrangements’ and one night stands.
Sometimes, people have such a fulfilling social life that there just isn’t time for a partner. It is true, partners take up time. And you might enjoy your yoga classes or drinking binges or marathon runs enough to be unwilling to make that time. And this is okay! Your interests will change with age and experience and if you aren’t ready for a relationship now, you might be in the future.
You’re a drama junkie
Okay, ladies, we all know a drama queen. If you don’t, it might be you! This could mean anything from taking offhand comments too seriously and starting arguments about them, to deliberately creating ripples because things are going ‘too well’. Even worse, acting up to see if they ‘make an effort’ for you.
These are all HUGE no-nos. Come on, we’re not in the playground, and life isn’t about playing games. There is power in honesty and boldness. Got something to say? Want to know how he feels about you? Ask him. Watch how he looks at you, how he treats you. And, if you can’t stand things going ‘too well’, it’s time to reconsider things. Maybe you’re not ready to settle down. Maybe the relationship isn’t exciting enough for you, and you want to see a bit of fire in him. Provoking him isn’t going to get you what you want – it’s only going to push him away. People don’t like to be on the receiving end of drama.
You’re concentrated on your career
Now, don’t get me wrong ladies, this is a GOOD thing. But, if you’re at work all the time, it makes it more difficult to meet people. I say this as somebody who met her other half in the office…
Make sure that you leave your weekends for yourself (if dating is something that you are willing to make a priority). Make the effort to go to your friend’s birthday drinks after a long week at work – who knows, Prince Charming may be a mutual friend.
You rate people according to how they look
Obviously, looks are important. But, particularly for women, you might find that the more you get to know and get feelings for someone, the more physically attractive you find them. This is why I’m not a huge advocate of dating sites such as Tinder that force you to judge according to somebody’s face. The hottest guy in the world can look ugly if he’s a total d*ckhead!
It’s true that looks aren’t everything, but it is important that you are physically attracted to your partner, because it will become apparent to him inside and outside the bedroom. All it means is, don’t allow looks to be your only judging factor.
You don’t feel that you’re good enough
If you lack confidence, it shows. You are good enough, and you are fabulous! I hear from too many women who feel that they need to lose weight before they start dating, etc. etc. but you don’t have to do that. Bite that bullet and talk to that guy – it becomes easier with practice.
You’re hung up on your ex
Maybe you’re hoping you’ll get back together, or maybe you’re looking for a carbon copy of him or her. It finished for a reason! Now go and find somebody better!